Paralyzer
by Stephane Richer
Summary: If your body matches what your eyes can do you'll probably move right through me on my way to you


Paralyzer

Disclaimer: I don't own Finger Eleven's "Paralyzer" or Ai Yazawa's _Nana_.

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I wanna close my fingers on that rock n roll dream that you that rolling stormy ocean in the winter raging against the heavens and the snow that bridges the gap between the two and I wanna fall into your storm if only you'd let me, if only you'd fall into mine.

I wanna pursue you like a wildcat, place my claws deep into your back and hear you scream in pleasure or pain or both, whatever.

I never felt so alive as when you looked at me and made me feel significant, finally. Made me feel like that night I first picked up a guitar was truly worthwhile, like I hadn't run away for nothing, that I wasn't just running away that I was running to somewhere.

I wanna run into your arms, but that sounds too cheesy and you'd freak out if I said that but whatever. Maybe I'll say that with a heart on the end just to get a rise out of you and go back to fucking around on the guitar like it didn't mean a damn thing but you and I both know it did.

Let's face it, the world has picked up both of our hearts and stomped on them so many times, thrown them against windows and smashed them with...let's say baseball bats, eh? Shall we? I wanna not be stomped and you'll try and maybe even make me flinch but you won't actually, because you may be callous and careless, especially with her, but you're pushing her away because she's too good for you but I'm not. I'm just as horrible as you but in a different way. We can be together, because let's face it Takumi, we're the same. I have no parents, you wished your dad was dead since forever. Your sister's distant; Yasu's like my brother and he means well but he stifles me sometimes, too and I hate it. And Nana is Nana and she's breakable but you're not because even though she's fucked up you've been fucked up worse with broken glass bottles and you're still standing like nothing can take you down.

And that means I can't take you down, which is very nice. So even if you don't accept my love (or even if you do) the weight of such a horrible burden (what love do I still have to give? It's probably got thorns and needles and knives sticking out) won't crush you so please do as you will with my heart.

Because I don't feel rejection anymore (do you? I didn't think so) but I will feel acceptance down to the core.

So you're giving me the dream, helping me live some kind of waking insane technicolor world I didn't think was possible even in someone else's mind and that's more than enough and asking you to do more is greedy but I'll do it anyway. I'll ask you to do more and more and more for me because I'm a leech and I've got my teeth in you.

So sip me up, I'll be your long tall drink of water or beer or whatever the hell your beverage of choice is at the moment because I can see you looking at me and thinking what you're thinking.

I wanna ride you like I've wanted to ride those waves over and away until I'm speechless, disoriented, at a loss even though I chatter on and on and on and on because I don't have a pause button or an off setting I just am and I just go and keep going.

And I hate all these drugs and all this shit I'm hopped up on but I can't stop and I need somebody or something to keep me going and I want you to be that somebody because if I try to fuck you over you won't let me because you're you and you're always in control so maybe I don't want you to love me. I mean, can you? What do you even feel? Do you? Or are you cold, hard, frozen at the bottom of the lake inside the island of the ocean in Antarctica? Because I don't know if I can thaw you but if you freeze me maybe it won't be so bad.

I wanna run my fingers through your hear like the way I pick up sand or strum a guitar and feel the rush of your breath like wind through a tunnel and blow my hat off, blow my eyes open, blow me out of the water because I don't know if I can even express how much I want you.

And I wanna surprise you, make you step back and see your eyes open, wide, really wide like they never do like maybe I've seen them get like that once or twice but I'm not sure at all and oh please.

Please.

Because if our forces meet, you're not moving and I'm accelerating, going faster and faster like you can't even hear me any more and then what will happen? I wanna know. I wanna crash into you but I'm too afraid and too tentative and I just end up going around you, orbiting like some kind of sattellite or moon or planet and you're the angry, glowering sun. Light up my world, you do already, shine brighter, I double-dare you.

I wanna hold you while I shake and vibrate with the music and with you, to your steady beat but let me play bass this time you know I can do it. I wanna be fucked senseless against a door while the entire record company's in the next room but they don't hear because you'll shut me up with your hand or your mouth over my mouth. Yeah, I'm into some kinda kinky shit, don't deny you are too.

Shock me electric, pow like you're the guitar and I'm the amp and I'm getting the full blast of power, of your power. I mean, you dominate me already, damn, but go harder. I bet it's been a while since you got a challenge like that, so I'm giving it to you.

Harder, faster, paralyze me.


End file.
